One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
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stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
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My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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