At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
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EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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