i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
