you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
