i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
