i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
