i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
