"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
