Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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