Kareoke will never be a sober sport
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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