she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
