there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
