woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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