Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
