as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
