Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
