I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
