I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
