you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
