im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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