No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
