Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
