It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
