and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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