just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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