ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize
