The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
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Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
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You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Drunk is not a location!
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