I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
