how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
