NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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