I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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