she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
