Your face is a jimmy john
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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