p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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