I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
