3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
