too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i dont even know how to be here
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
