I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
sarcasm needs its own font
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
