I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
