That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
