Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
