just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
