you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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