I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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