I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Is Oprah even human
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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