the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just want to make out with him forever
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
