Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
