i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
