Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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