I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
where am i from again
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
