I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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