Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
