I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
