Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
