Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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