I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
