So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
