i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
