from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
