You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
