This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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