I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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