He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
