pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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