I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
