I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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